Stuff My (Muggleborn) Friends Do
by The-Slytherin-Alchemist
Summary: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS MAGICAL WHO LET A MEME CHILD INTO THE SCHOOL! Alternatively: Ash is a meme child and Sadie is Tired. Contains OCs. Rated T for minor cussing.
1. Chapter 1

**A WIZARD**

"Hurry up, Clary, or we'll be late!" yelled John. "And you know how horrible Professor Snape is!"

"Relax." Said Clary. "I have a plan."

It was a confident Clary who strolled into Potions 5 minutes late.

"Mrs. White." Snarled Professor Snape, "Why are you late?"

"But I'm not late, Professor." Clary said innocently, "A wizard is never early, nor is he late. He arrives precisely when he means to." She then ducked under his arm and sat with a exhausted John.

She somehow managed not to lose points for Ravenclaw.

 **HEELYS**

How? How did they do it? That was the main questions for everyone (that wasn't a muggle-born, of course).

They seemed to float over the ground. The smarter students noticed Ash and Luke's toes were higher than the ground, but they had no idea what spell they used.

Ash looked at all the purebloods looking at them weird and whispered to her friends, "Bringing Heelys to school was the best idea ever."

(It didn't help that whenever the purebloods asked a muggleborn about it, they would either laugh their ass off or smile and say "Heelys")

(It was a meme very soon)

("What are those?" *Le point at a niffler* "Heelys.")

 **MULAN**

Ash rushed into Transfiguration 5 minutes late.

"Sorry I'm late, Professor, I-"

"You're working with Sadie today, I'm sure she can tell you what we're working on." Professor McGonagall said sternly.

"We're turning a teacup into a tortoise." said Sadie, "Let's get down to business."

Ash smirked "To defeat the Huns,"

"DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS," Most of the muggleborns joined in.

"WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS?" Ash jumped on the table

"YOU'RE THE SADDEST BUNCH I EVER MET!" The muggleborns pointing at everyone who didn't join in.

"BUT YOU CAN BET, BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH, I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU!"

All the pureblood looked at the muggleborns like they were some Satan-Worshipping cult. (WELL THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT OF YOU, SUCKERS)


	2. Wholesome Memes

**Sup! I'm back, enjoy a quick update of wholesome memes. As usual, I own nothing but my OCs.**

A very tired Ash plopped into her seat in DADA and sighed. Yet again, they had a bad AF teacher who probably wouldn't teach them crap.

Ash looked at the board and, without even thinking, said, "It's sh*t like this that makes me wish I was Jared, 19."

"Same." said Clary.

"Big mood." offered John.

"Oof." Cole added.

Umbridge scowled. "Settle down, class."

There was silence until Ash decided, "Why not say some memes?"

"ROAD WORK AHEAD!" she yelled.

Quiet, and then, "UH, YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES!"

Sadie looked like Captain America in the Galga scene from _Avengers_. "I am confused."

Lincoln looked like Christmas came early. "Why are you confusion?"

Unbridge looked like she swallowed a lemon, but when she opened her mouth all she said was, "I don't understand that reference."

Screeches from the Supernatural and Avengers fandom rang out. "AVENGERS AND SUPERNATURAL? CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY! I'M GONNA CRY!" yelled Ash.

"Don't cry-" offered John slyly

"I swear to Truth, John, if you finish that sentence the way I think you will-" Clary threatened

"Craft." Lincoln finished, looking like the cat that caught the canary.

"Who let the Phandom in?" asked Clary.

"Who let the Moon Moon in?" John retorted

"Please stop." whispered Sadie

"Tommy, please?" a random person whispered before melting back into the crowd.

What followed was a mixture of, angsty screeches, "WHY NEWT WHY?", and one person who was very happy about causing this much chaos."


	3. Patronuses (Patroni?)

**Enjoy.**

Cole was a Canadian exchange student. He was shy, sweet, and a Hufflepuff. He was basically the embodiment of the stereotype, unless you mentioned memes.

Ash was American. She was loud, manipulative and some would say a- well, you know what I mean. She was a Gryffindor, made too many references and got excited over the smallest things.

They had a weird friendship.

But today, everyone would be attending a special class to learn how to conjure a Patronus. Everyone placed bets on what Cole was going to get, ranging from a budgie to a kitten to a seal. No one placed bets on Ash. She was too unpredictable.

On the day on the fated patronus class, Cole, Ash, Sadie, John, Lincoln, and Clary walked to class together debating over what they were going to get.

Clary said "Personally, I think I'm going to get a falcon."

"Nah, you're gonna get something mythical and cool- like a Pikachu!" said Ash

"Pikachus are fake, eh." Pointed out Cole.

"John's gonna get a raptor." rambled Ash, "And Cole's gonna get a moose!"

"A moose?" questioned Lincoln

"A moose. In accordance with Canadian tradition-"

"I really really hate you." muttered Sadie "Especially when you make references like this that no one understands!"

Ash smiled. "Well, my young grasshopper, a moose is a like a horse about the size of a minivan with trees stuck on it's head."

"That's a bad explanation, eh." murmured Cole.

"Too bad, cause that's the only one you're gonna get!" sang Ash.

Cole then spent the rest of the trip teaching Sadie what a moose was.

Ash opened the door and walked in as her friends followed her. The teacher walked in and taught everyone how to conjure a patronus. Then it was their turn to try.

Ash thought of the Fourth of July, of fireworks and hotdogs. She thought of Thanksgiving, when she would join her family and watch football. She thought of her friends, having fun, confusing the purebloods with Heelys and Mulan. She thought of her friends, both magical and muggle, who she would support with all her heart.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A titan burst out of the mist.

"Is that… Eren Yeager?"

Everyone turned to look at her, and gaped at the 50 foot (15 meter) tall titan. To a non-muggleborn, it looked like a tall buff dude with no lips. Ash took a deep breath and, to absolutely no muggleborn's surprise, squealed.

"OH MY GOD MY PATRONUS IS EREN F****** YEAGER MY BROTHER IS GOING TO FREAK OUT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!"

Cue the squeals of fangirls and fanboys.

"Who's Eren Yeager?" asked a pureblood.

"Who's Eren Yeager? Only the most BAMF person in the whole AOT series after Mikasa and Levi." answered Ash

"What about Armin?" asked Lincoln

"Armin is a smol cinnamon roll who is not appreciated enough. He's the 4th most BAMF person." said Ash

Most of the non-muggleborns had fled the moment they saw the patronus, and were only just coming back.

She watched as her friends tried and failed, and walked over to Cole. "You're doing the hand motions wrong." She put her hands on his and guided them so that he flicked it the right way.

"Expecto Patronum, eh."

A moose the size of a minivan burst out.

There was dead silence for five seconds, then Ash yelled, "I CALLED IT! I F***ING CALLED IT! I WAS RIGHT, YOU WERE WRONG, JOHN YOU OWE ME A CAKE."

Everyone burst out laughing. John rolled his eyes and cast the spell. "Expecto Patronum!"

A raptor burst out of the wand. A beat. Lots of people ran out of the room. Ash and every other muggleborn started humming the Jurassic Park theme song. The instructor looked like he had swallowed a lemon. A while later Sadie cast the spell properly. Silver mist burst out of her wand. And it kept coming, and coming, and soon, they were all in Sadie's patronus.

Everyone, including Ash, ran out to see what Sadie's patronus was. "A… blue whale? Ya know what I ain't gonna question it."

Lincoln getting Baymax was very sad for many Big Hero 6 fans, and Clary getting Fun Girl from Yandere Simulator went as well as you can expect.

(Hint: There were screams)

(Lots and lots of screams)


	4. Doki Doki is not Oki Doki

**I'm back! Sorry for not updating, my (NEW) computer broke (somehow).**

 **Spoilers for DDLC. Mentions of suicide. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE HORROR.**

 **~oOo~**

It's Halloween. And you know what this means~

Horror. Classic urban horror. And Ash knew how to scare the crap out of everyone.

"Alright folks, since this year Halloween is on a weekend, we get to have a binge weekend! We will be playing a mixture of R and PG-13 rated games, TV shows, and movies, so I will be warning you about some scary, possibly scaring, stuff.

"The PG and PG-13 rated stuff are The Avengers series, Supernatural, Coco, A Nightmare Before Christmas, and Undertale. The more gory and scary stuff are Alien, Saw, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, and Doki Doki Literature Club. All the more gory stuff are not advised if you have depression, anxiety, or are under 18."

Ash sat down, to a group of confused questions like, "Isn't Doki Doki that dating sim game?"

AHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Doki Doki is not oki doki.

Ash grinned at her friends in the gaming club.

"Operation: Scare the crap out of everyone is a go."

 **~oOo~**

Harry looked at Hermione, who was just as confused as he was. "Doki Doki is a dating sim game, why would this be under the more scary and gory stuff?" asked Hermione.

Harry shrugged. "It couldn't be that bad. I'm going to play Doki Doki, cause it sounds interesting."

He would regret saying that later.

 **~oOo~**

AVENGERS!

"Wait, I don't think Loki and Thor were actually adopted brothers-"

"Shut up, it's called artistic license."

"Stop arguing you idiots- OH MY GOD!"

"Hoe don't do it- seriously, Loki?"

"Don't worry, he was being mind controlled."

"Oh my gods, those chitauri are so fugly."

"TONY DON'T DIE DON'T DIE DON'T DIE!"

"Stop laughing at our pain."

 **~oOo~**

SAW

"What?"

"OH MY GOD EW!"

"This is terrifying."

"That puppet is so ugly."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"This is fake- right? Right? Why are you laughing? ANSWER ME!"

 **~oOo~**

DDLC

The Golden Trio walked into the room with the Doki Doki Literature Club. A 6th year girl was setting up the game on her computer with a maniacal grin on her face.

The girl looked up and said, "Oh, so we did get a few teenagers. John owes me 5 galleons."

She stood up and walked over. "I'm Ash, and I'll be the one who will be playing. You can watch on the computers there-" Ash pointed at what looked like she had teleported a small computer lab in there. "Or you can sit over there and watch on the big screen."

Hermione thought a little. "Which one would you recommend?"

"Well, if you want the jumpscares to really take effect, the small screen is better. If you're-"

"A PUSS-"

"JOHN!" Ash yelled. "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"If you don't like being jumpscared, then you should look on the big screen, eh." said a voice behind them.

The trio jumped, and John laughed. "If you can't handle Cole sneaking up behind you, you probably couldn't even handle the genocide ending of Undertale!"

"Hey. The genocide end is freaky. So is the pacifist route after the genocide route." Cole defended.

"It is, and it would be scarier if there weren't so many memes about it." Ash joked.

"Speaking of Undertale, aren't you supposed to be supervising that room?" asked Cole

"What? Nooooooo, of course not!" John laughed nervously.

"You are," said Ash, checking her schedule. "Get your butt over there."

"But Lincoln is failing at the Mettaton Ex battle and he refuses to let me help!" John whined.

"Ash, tell him how to beat Mettaton and he'll do it without complaining, eh." said Cole.

Ash let out a deep sigh and texted Lincoln how to beat Mettaton.

John pouted and said, "How come he listens to you and not to me?"

Ash shrugged. "We've known each other for a long time, I guess."

"I've known him for way longer than you have! What's your secret?" asked John

Ash shrugged again.

John walked backwards out of the room just as many more people started pouring in. "You'll tell me your secrets someday, Ash!"

As Harry sat down and looked around, he recognized many people, mostly 5th year and mostly muggleborns that had dragged along their pureblood friends.

Ash stood up. "HELLO PEOPLE!"

The talking decreased a little as people started listening to Ash.

"I'm Ash, and I will be playing in the front. Once we get to certain parts, we'll let you vote on what to say. You can take a seat at either in front of the screen or at the computer. This is your last chance to leave before I start the game. Any questions?"

"Yes." Draco Malfoy stood up. "Why is this game rated for 18 year olds and above?"

His questions were understandable. The main screen was like something for a game for 13 year olds.

"Well, isn't that what you're here to learn?" asked a smirking Ash. She sat down and clicked start.

 **~oOo~**

"Oh, this is cute."

"She has purple hair… she's gonna stab someone isn't she?"

Ash laughed. "Probably not the way you think, but yes."

Everyone started whispering.

 **~oOo~**

"You really left her hanging this morning." said Monika

"Oh. Wait, what?"

 **~oOo~**

"Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of

Get.

Out.

Of.

My.

Head.

Get out of my head before I do what I know is best for you.

Get out of my head before I listen to everything she said to me.

Get out of my head before I show you how much I love you.

Get out of my head before I finish writing this poem."

"Um, you know what? Let's go check on Sayori. I'm just slightly concerned. Only slightly, though!" Ash said sarcastically

 **~oOo~**

"OH MY GOD SHE HUNG HERSELF?"

"WHY IS THE GAME GLITCHING?"

"AHHHHH!"

Ash smirked as she surveyed the chaos. "There's still more!"

"Why is Sayori just a combination of the other girls now?"

"I told you it was a psychological horror game~" Ash sang.

"Wait, the game goes on?" asked Malfoy (Who looked pretty close to pissing his pants)

"Yeah! This is a classic staple of muggle horror, and we're barely halfway done! Who's your favorite so far?" asked Cole.

"Sayori."

"Natsuki."

"Yuri."

"Monika." said Ash.

"You've played the game before?" asked Cole

"Yeah! Just Monika, amiright?"

"Just Monika." Cole laughed.

 **~oOo~**

"What's this weird corrupted text?"

"Since Monika de- oops, spoilers!" sang Ash, "Since Sayuri's dead now, she can't talk."

 **~oOo~**

*Easter egg*

"WHY THE SHIT ARE HER EYES LIKE THAT?"

Ash looked pensive. "I haven't found this easter egg before."

"WHY DO YOU LOOK SO CALM?"

"I found the Monika jumpscare once. That thing is freaky." replied Ash.

 **~oOo~**

"What. The. Crap."

"Mibulls sailcloth blindsight lifeline anan rectipetality faultlessly offered scleromalacia neighed catholicate? What does that mean and why is Natsuki's mouth like that?" asked Rue, who had hidden her face in Adam's jacket.

Ash shrugged casually as she continued playing. "No one knows. It's not on the Wiki."

 **~oOo~**

"She was screwed if we said yes." said Vivi.

"SHE STABBED HERSELF HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER?!" Malfoy yelled.

"She stabs herself either way." replied Ash.

 **~oOo~**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" everyone in the room simultaneously screamed.

Even Ash, who had played this game often enough to be desensitized to it.

"WHAT THE HELL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Natsuki jumpscare." replied Ash, breathing quickly.

"PLAY WITH ME WHAT THE CRAP DOES THAT MEAN?" Vivi shrieked.

"You ask me I ask who?" asked Ash

 **~oOo~**

"Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika Just Monika." chanted a traumatized kid.

"Is this one of the worse ones?" asked Malfoy

Ash smirked. "Next up, Five Nights at Freddy's! This one's mostly jumpscares."

Everyone ran out the room screaming.

 **~oOo~**

 **Look, it's a bad ending!**

 **Thanks for sticking with me!**


	5. My Memes Bring All The Boys To The Yard

**Alright, so I'm thinking about writing another story about a muggleborn rebellion during the 2nd Wizarding War. Do you people want that?**

 **I'm going to post it even if you don't want it.**

 **As usual, I own nothing except my OCs~**

Harry's 2nd year, Dueling Club.

Ash calmly walked to the podium and faced her opponent, Marcus Flint. Inside, she was panicking.

"Alright, something unexpected, something unexpected…" In her moment of panic, she did something hilarious.

She T-posed.

Everyone started laughing. Flint started looking at her like she bit the head off a squirrel. In that moment, she cast her spell. "Melefors!"

Flint started struggling with the melon then encased his head, almost tripping many times.

"Swiggity swellon your head is now a melon!" Ash called as she ran to the side.

Laughter from the peanut gallery.

Flint stopped struggling and shot a spell at her. "Stupify!" The red light missed Ash by inches.

"U mad bro?" Ash yelled. "Expelliarmus!"

The spell hit him, and his wand went flying.

"You've been hit by, you've been struck by a smooth spell." Ash said, leaning forward.

The entire room started laughing.

And of course, everyone forgot about it the moment Harry Potter was outed as a parselmouth.

~oOo~

Harry's 5th year, the day after the Ministry finds out Voldemort is alive.

Sadie ran toward the Gryffindor, where most of her friends had congregated.

"GUYS! GUYS! UMBRIDGE IS IN THE HOSPITAL!"

Most of their jaws dropped, but Ash looked surprised, "Really? I thought that rumor was false."

"You knew?" asked John

"I got it from Colin Creevey after he got it from the Weasley twins. You think I'm going to tell you information after I get it from those three?" asked Ash, eyebrows raising.

"Fair." frowned Cole.

"So should we make more chaos now that Umbridge is gone?" asked Lincoln

"I dunno. Wasn't the only reason we caused so much chaos to drive Umbridge insane?" asked Clary

Ash thought a little. "Well, I have something I want to do. Cole, will you help me?"

Cole gave her a suspicious look. Ash returned it with a pair of innocent puppy eyes.

"Alright…" he said

Ash grinned and pulled him into a big hug, "Aw, thanks!" She then commenced dragging him to the hall.

"I have a bad feeling about this." said John.

30 minutes later, the rest of the group found out what Ash's plan was.

She put on sunglasses and walked into the Great Hall. Everyone eagerly turned to the girl, who was followed by Cole (who also had on sunglasses) as she pulled out a trombone. Meanwhile, Cole made a oven materialize out of nowhere. Ash started playing a tune recognizable as the beginning of the song "Freaks".

Cole started slamming the oven door open and closed as he started headbanging. The entire muggleborn population started laughing or materializing their own ovens to slam.

The rest of the six friends just facepalmed.

Harry's 2nd Year, when Draco screams "You'll be next, mudbloods!"

Harry stood in shock as people started showing up in the hall. "Enemies of the heir, beware! You'll be next!" Malfoy shouted.

A voice practically pounced on his mistake. "I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now." A boy in 3rd year smirked.

A girl that was standing next to him smirked and pretended to shove things into her purse. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

Everyone else started laughing at Malfoy and the two people who Harry later knew were named John and Ashnu.


	6. Ogres Have Layers

Ash stormed into the Gryffindor Common Room and walked up to the people Luke was talking with. She plastered a fake smile on her face.

"What's up, everypony?" She chirped loudly, activating everyone's fight or flight instinct.

Once everyone had fled the scene, she grabbed Luke's tie.

"We need to have a little talk." she snarled.

Many people saw the fuming (and much shorter) Slytherin drag the boy away, with only one question on their mind. "How did she get in?" Sadie asked.

Luke followed Ash, knowing trying to stop himself from getting taken wherever he was fruitless. He watched as the paintings on the walls giggled and she threatened to set the Bloody Baron on Peeves. Once they reached an abandoned corridor, she turned around and slapped him in the face.

"OW!" Luke yelped, holding his cheek. "What did I do?"

"YOU GOT INTO DETENTION WITH UMBRIDGE, THAT'S WHAT!" Ash yelled, her gesturing hands hitting the walls of the small corridor, "YOU F***ING DUMB***! I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHAT SHE DOES TO PEOPLE WHO THINK VOLDYWHORE IS BACK!"

"Voldywhore?" Luke asked.

"Yes." Ash growled. "Voldywhore, because apparently saying his name is a felony here."

They looked at each other for a second before bursting out laughing.

"No, but seriously." Ash frowned, sobering up. "Her detentions, especially for Gryffindors, are brutal. She's a rich, high ranking member of this corrupt Ministry, and any allegations against her would end up not even making it to court. I hope you know that."

"Sounds like the American government from all the complaining you do about it. And you didn't tell me what she does. You know, for detentions." Luke said.

"I did! … didn't I?"

"No you didn't."

Ash sighed deeply, "I at least told you that I've-" here she looked around and whispered in his ear, "Joined the Inquisitorial Squad to spy on them." She leaned away, "Right?"

"Yeah, you've told me that. What do they do?"

"Umbridge… she uses blood quills." Ash said. "The Black Market is teeming with potions that will temporarily cause you to not feel pain. I went and bought one just in case one of us got detention."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a potion. "Drink this right before you go to detention. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to not pull a Weasley."

"So that's all you brought me here for? The potion? You could have smuggled it in with instructions- I know you have favors from half of the school." Luke said, frowning.

"Yes, but I couldn't slap you in the middle of the Gryffindor common room." Ash smirked. "See you tomorrow."

Luke watched Ash stroll off, realizing his friend was much more Slytherin than he realized.

~oOo~

Ash grinned in the middle of potions class the next day. She had an idea.

At the same time, Umbitch sneezed. Why did she feel like she was going to have a bad time?

~oOo~

"GET OUT OF MY SWAMP!" A voice yelled.

"...What?"

Ash ran out of the classroom trying to look as confused as everyone else, but was stopped by someone.

"Ferox." Malfoy said.

"Malfoy." She said, running to where the commotion was coming from. "What do you want?"

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Malfoy, chasing after her.

"Well, it's a reference to the popular no-maj movie Shrek, who is an ogre that lives in a swamp. So if my assumption is correct, Shrek should be…" Ash turned the corner and saw her masterpiece. "... here…"

It was even more beautiful than she thought it would be.

The green ogre was scaring everyone away with a torch and everyone who got the reference was shrieking in laughter as Umbitch tried to get rid of him. Ash slipped away from the Inquisitorial Squad and stood next to Luke, who was laughing his butt off.

"That… was… brilliant!" He whispered through laughing.

"Thanks, I do my best." She whispered back.

In the end, it wasn't as good as the Weasley's prank (Umbitch got rid of it), but the story is still told among wizarding families today.


	7. ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME!

**I'm so sorry I can't update regularly, but I loved Endgame so much I had to make a chapter out of it. No spoilers.**

 **You all know I own nothing.**

"Malfoy." Ash said, her heart pounding quietly.

Wait, that makes it sound like she likes him. She _**doesn't**_. Ash was going to get a favor from Malfoy.

"Ferox." Malfoy responded equally coldly. "What do you want?"

"A favor." Ash said. "I would like you to ask Headmistress Umbridge if she could let some people out to watch Endgame. I have a list right here."

"And why don't you do that yourself?" asked Malfoy.

"Cause I don't have enough influence over her." said Ash, "And before you ask what you will get in return…" Ash looked around and leaned forward. "Have you ever heard of steroids?"

"No." Malfoy looked interested. "What do they do?"

~oOo~

"Hello Malfoy." Ash said between bites of her food, "Were you successful?"

"I suppose I was successful." said Malfoy, he and his two goons sitting next to her.

Ash ate her food uncomfortably. Why aren't they leaving? "Is there something else I can help you with?" She asked.

"I would like tickets to this movie." Malfoy whispered.

Ash evaluated him for 20 seconds, which was long enough for sweat to drip into his robes. "You'll need to pay. It's five sickles."

Malfoy pulled one galleon out of his pocket.

Ash nodded and took the money. "We meet at Friday, 6:30 PM, in the Great Hall. This movie takes three and a half hours."

~oOo~

"ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME!" a small crowd chanted.

The chant continued as the teenagers piled into a van. Ash and Cole squeezed into an enlarged seat with around eight other excited muggleborns.

"ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME! ENDGAME!"

Ash and Cole grabbed a large container of popcorn drizzled in butter, then sat down and watched the movie.

Everyone cried.

The end.


	8. Top10AnimeBetrayals

**I know I haven't updated in forever and I'm sorry.**

 **As usual, I own nothing**

"POTTER!" yelled Malfoy, now with neon pink hair, "I'll get you for this!"

"You know, looking at it from the outside, the Gryffindor-Slytherin feud looks like UST." John said to no one in particular.

"I bet you 10 bucks Ash did it and disguised it so it looked like Potter did it." Cole leaned over and whispered to Lincoln.

"Cole, everyone other than Malfoy knows Ash or the Weasley twins did it." Lincoln hissed back. "Turning this into a meme, that's what I'll bet on."

"That's impossible. You're on." Cole replied.

Ash heard about the bet.

She turned it into a meme.

~oOo~

"I dunno, I'm feeling very Malfoy Number Five today." said Dennis Creevey the next morning (who owed Ash for enchanting his Gameboy to work here).

(Malfoy Number Five was a reaction GIF of him getting hit in the face by Hermione).

"What does that mean?" Sadie asked, looking like she didn't even know why she was surprised by this stuff anymore.

Dennis wordlessly handed her a piece of paper with numbers and pictures on it. Malfoy Number One was him being dared to play DDR and failing miserably. Malfoy Number Two was a picture of him reacting to the Odd1sOut. And the last one, Malfoy Number Ten, was the picture of him from yesterday morning, AKA the one with pink hair.

"Cole owes me 10 bucks."

~oOo~

"Ah, yes, my favorite author Nerd Sandwicher." Ash intoned drily as she looked at Hagrid's shitty handwriting.

"I am literally begging you to stop." Sadie practically sobbed.

"Newton Scarfmasher." Cole suggested.

"Moodlydang Conshgnasher." Ash offered, smirking with glee as she watched Sadie sob.

"What are you doing?" asked Clary.

"Making bad versions of Nerdom Scarmadder's name." said Cole, pointing at Hagrid's writing looking like trash.

"Mermaid Coughmonster." said Clary.

~oOo~

"Excuse me, are you Ash?" asked Emily.

Ash turned around sarcastically and drawled, "No, I'm Fred. Yes, I'm Ash. What do you need?"

"Just some graph paper. I want to pass astronomy by more than a little this year." An exchange took place, and as Emily was just about to leave, she turned around and said, "Can I use that with my friends?"

"Use it with whoever you want." said Ash.

Five days later, everyone was doing it. Even Hermione Granger.

~oOo~

During the Blast-Ended Skrewts Debacle

After Hagrid finished giving the class a lecture (which was basically "do whatever u want lol"), he let them feed the Skrewts.

What fun.

(That was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell)

Sadie teamed up with Cole and the duo tried feeding the Skrewts.

Key word here is "tried".

"Power Bottoms." said Cole.

"What?"

"These are now Power Bottoms."

"Goddamnit"

~oOo~

"Hey, Ash?" John asked

"Yeah?" Ash replied, flipping a page of her book.

"Can you tutor me in arithmancy? Cuz you have an O and-"

"TUTOR YOU?" Ash yelled, effectively getting everyone's attention, "I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO SOLVE FOR BRILLIANCE AND EVALUATE EXCELLENCE!!!!"

~oOo~

"Heeeeeey, Cole." Ash drawled.

"I'm studying." Cole said shortly.

Ash draped herself over the book. "I already asked Clary, but she said she'd rather be petrified, so yeah."

Cole looked slightly more interested. "Start talking."

"Say it's dat boy to Peeves." She said.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Ash employed the puppy eyes of doom.

"Fine

"Yay!"

~oOo~

"And for my final announcement, I would like to warn you all that the forbidden forest is very dangerous-"

"Much frightening." said Ash, with half her brain dead and the other half working on her checkbook.

"Such peril." Cole said, his entire brain dying.

"This place is a hotspot for dead memes." Clary snarled.

~oOo~

Ash knew that Professor Snape was getting very frustrated.

I mean, Luke was being really dumb, and Snape was a jerk, so they kinda deserved it.

But she didn't really expect him to pick a fiGHT WITH PROFESSOR SNAPE IN THE MIDDLE OF POTIONS OVER HIS GRADE.

So she conjured up some popcorn from the kitchen as she watched them fight. Sadie just sighed as she watched them, occasionally kicking him under the table.

"LUKE!" Professor Snape yelled.

"I AM YOUR FATHER!" Luke yelled back.

The force of Ash's laughter almost made her drop popcorn into her empty cauldron, and Sadie was just looking on in mute horror.

Suffice it to say, Luke lost a crap ton of points and got detention. Five of them.


End file.
